6 Reasons Sex Outside of Marriage is a Bad Idea
Guest Blogger: Luce
As you read on, perhaps you’ll realize why God calls this a sin. (1 Corinthians 6:9)
2. You will end up feeling like you belong to that person or like you gave a piece of yourself away.
I speak from experience when I say that for every man I’ve laid with, I tend to feel (almost immediately) like that person owes me something. That thing could be love, pleasure, or just mere respect by either not going around spreading rumors about me or sleeping with other women while sleeping with me. I’m here to tell you that sex is like giving away an intimate part of yourself to another person FOR FREE. You are essentially creating a connection with someone. A connection that you cannot take back; even if it was purely for pleasure and not for “love”. What sucks is that when you’re not married, that man/woman can easily just pick up their things and leave you because he/she has no legal and spiritual commitment to you. As a result, you’ll likely feel played or hurt because you gave someone an intimate part of yourself and have nothing to really show for it but the temporary, short-lived pleasure.
3. It will taint your perception of sex.
Sex outside of marriage waters down the beauty and sanctity of sex. God created sex and everything God creates has a God-given order. This is why the fertilization of an egg produces a fetus; why the sun rises and sets; why seeds grow when you water them; you get the point. Sex is a precious, intimate gift and experience to be shared with the person who decides to build a life with you through marriage. Over time this order has been disrupted and promiscuity has been glamorized and encouraged; It’s socially acceptable behavior which we justify under the guise of “being comfortable with your sexuality”.
To be honest, after losing my virginity, having sex with persons thereafter became easier because I had already had sex. It was no longer as special because if it were I’d keep my body to myself. Cheapening sex to just an act of passion is one of the hardest things to recover from. It took me a while to respect my body and men. I had to re-learn how to view sex as something sacred and beautiful.
4. You’ll feel cheap.
I say this because I’ve personally felt cheapened by sex. I don’t know about you but if you’ve had sex outside of marriage you’ve probably compared your performance with others or associated your worth with your sexual performance. These are lies. Your worthiness should never be reduced to your sexual “performance”. Having a lifestyle of fornication (sex outside of marriage) will pervert your mind and make you feel like you have to outperform the last one as if keeping score was normal. We somehow feel better about ourselves because we can do some tricks or feel less than when the sex didn’t keep him/her around. That’s pathetic guys. We are not cheap and should treat ourselves accordingly.
5. It’s likely to breed discontentment in your marriage sex life.
I believe people are under this misconception that sex is the foundation of their relationship. It’s evident in the way people stress the importance of “testing the car before you buy it”. You are not a car to be tried and a relationship founded on “great sex” will fall when it is no longer “great”. This idea that your sex life with your spouse should be on 1000% perpetually is a fantasy fed to you by the devil. We are constantly fed so much lust via porn, movies, music and images that we begin to believe everything we are told about sex. Suddenly, we become discontent because we are comparing our spouse to our former partners and the people in the movies. In reality, sex is a selfless act of giving and this “all about me” and “what can you do for me” attitude is not Godly. Sex in marriage should be approached with God in mind. When you have God in mind the sex isn’t selfish nor perverse but giving and holy. Sex outside of marriage will not help you break from this cycle of always seeking “better” sex.
6. You’re relinquishing control to another.
When you consciously decide that you won’t give your body or take another’s body, you are exercising self-control. They say that you can’t control what others do or say and you can’t control what happens to you but you can control YOU. Exercising control over your sexual urges shows a lot of strength and will save you a lot of heart ache.
(1) it will keep others from using or enjoying you without truly committing;
(2) it can help you avoid diseases; and
(3) you’ll avoid unwanted pregnancies.
I remember a mother once telling me that having an unplanned baby in marriage is much different than an unplanned baby outside of marriage. In marriage, both persons enter with the intention of one day raising children together. Whereas, in a dating relationship there’s no clear intention of making and raising babies together with that other person.
I pray this shed some light as to why God is trying to keep us from this cycle. I didn’t always see the point as to why God wanted me to keep myself for marriage. I thought that if the purpose of this rule was to avoid heartbreak that I could take the hit because I didn’t think it would affect me and neither did I view myself as someone sensitive when it came to this. God showed me that I am that sensitive despite what I thought and I couldn’t take the “hit”.
These norms don’t do our spirits any good and they breed perversion, brokenness, low self-esteem and broken homes. Now that we know better, let’s do better.
Check out more of Luce blogs at her Blog Site: Exposing Luce
Also – be sure to check out our article on this subject: “Ripping of the Soul”
Thanks for checking this article out!
Rickey E. Macklin