Happily Ever After
Guest Blogger: Jennifer Wendy Brown
Many times, as singles, women particularly, we have a concept in our minds as to what we want our life to be like. We know what age we want to marry, what we want our mates to look like, and what we will name the children we have planned in our heads. I am guilty of the crime, as such. As a young girl, I didn’t necessarily have an example of a perfect marriage. When I looked all around me, all I saw was broken relationships and dysfunctional family dynamics. So, it was hard for me to envision a “perfect” marriage in my mind. But despite this fact, as any other young girl, I dreamed of a big white dress wedding with lots of beautiful flowers and all the bells and whistles. I dreamed of it just the way I had seen it on television and in the movies. I envisioned a handsome, tall, dark husband and three children living in a beautiful home with a fence and a backyard. I envisioned that my girlfriend would live down the street, so we could hang out whenever we wanted and that our children would be best friends. I envisioned a comfortable financial status and “story-book” worthy ending. You know, a happily ever after ending.
The truth and the reality of the matter is that I did not have that “story-book” ending that I had dreamed of as a little girl! As a matter of fact, the only thing in this scenario that happened is that I did have three children! I quickly realized that my hopes and dreams were only a fantasy. I grew up as the model teenager who received good grades, served in the church as a devoted young leader, and never had a boyfriend. It was just after graduating from high school, that I entered my first relationship and my fantasy came to a screeching head-on collision with the reality of poor decision making. I fell in love with the first boy I ever dated and then I fell into the bed with him. The next thing I knew is I was five months pregnant at twenty years old and standing in my pastor’s office saying “I do” to someone that I should have been saying “I don’t” to! After just one year, I found myself a single mom of a baby boy trying to discover life.
Seven years later, I ended up in the exact same situation, pregnant and saying, “I do” again. This marriage lasted six years and yielded a third child. That divorce led to five years of destructive and promiscuous behavior directed by my hurt, anger and brokenness. Jumping from one relationship to another for fear of being alone, became my reality. I wanted to be loved, yet I ran from love at the same time. In 2012, my attention was arrested by the Holy Spirit and I made the conscious decision to rededicate my heart, mind, soul and body to Lord. I have been living a life of celibacy and sexual purity since that time. I have made a commitment to God to maintain this status until the day I walk down the aisle again– this time, saying to “I do” for the last time. I share my testimony with you to let you know that rushing to become married before becoming whole, healed, delivered and set free doesn’t help to fulfill those fairy tale dreams we had as children.
Many single adults have so many negative emotions regarding being single. Most are angry with God that they are not married yet. Many are simply tired of waiting. While some are irritated with the single season and ready to jump into the next season of marital bliss. The truth is, if you could just embrace this season and lean into what God is trying to do with you during this “alone” time, you would be astonished at what God has in store for you.
I will offer four steps to discovering your “Happily Ever After” now!
Discover you! Before you try to jump into another relationship because you don’t want to be alone. Dive into an introspective journey of you. Discover who you are. You can’t be happy with someone else until you are happy with you.
Discover your maker! Your introspective journey is bound to lead to one thing…Your Maker! That moment is when you recognize that you didn’t just happen, but you were created by God and are forced to address who your creator is. This single season is your time to develop a relationship with the one who made you. It’s the season to fall in love with Him as your personal Savior and allow Him to be Lord over your life. This is the most critical point in the process.
Discover your purpose! As you focus on your maker, you will then begin to understand that with each creation its creator had a distinct purpose in mind. Your life is no different! God had a plan and a purpose for your life. During this time while you are not attached to another individual, you have the blessed opportunity to answer the most profound question, “Why am I here?”
Walk in your purpose! After understanding why you were created, your next task is to discover the gifts, skills and talents that God tucked neatly inside of you when you were born. You then can begin using them and create the life for yourself that God intended when He gave them to you.
I promise, if you begin this 4-step journey as a single, you will not have time to focus on when your mate is coming. You will discover that amongst this path of discovery you would have created your “happily ever after” now. To your surprise, amid walking out these steps, you will collide with your destiny! And in God’s timing, He will give you exactly what you need to complement you and complete the path that you already started out on as a single adult.
For more wisdom from Jennifer, contact her on Facebook and IG @Single&SouledOut.
When time permits, also check out our article Seasons of Singleness.