On this site, you’re going to get a good dose of information on courtship and its process. However, you must be able to establish some clarity individually before courtship begins. The Pre-Courtship Checklist below should help you get started.
7 Things to Take into Consideration:
Boundaries – You must be clear about lines you refuse to cross. This is a personal resolve based on your core values and belief system. In a relationship, both individuals must agree on these lines of demarcation to avoid confusion and frustration. However, both should already have similar boundaries prior to engaging in the relationship.
Financial Lifestyle – What’s your desired lifestyle before and after getting married? How much education, experience, and money will it take to attain it? Where does this actually fit on your priority list in regard to a potential mate?
Age Bracket – While most believe a small age gap is acceptable, what’s your belief? What’s too much of an age gap for you? What too old or too young? Is five years okay? What about ten or twenty?
Roles in both a Relationship and Marriage – This relationship checklist item is probably going to be impacted by the roles modeled in the home you grew up in, your culture, and your biblical beliefs.
Here’s something we shared with our Facebook family a little while ago.
A Relationship with Gender Roles: We are not the same; We were created differently. Yet, through Christ, we are equal in God’s eyes. Embrace these differences because each brings something unique to the relationship that once joined together produces something even greater… AND we can still cook together, clean together, and make decisions together. Everyone can’t be captains on a team, and everyone on a team can’t be the support staff without a leader. Both scenarios will equate to confusion. By God’s design, the man is the leader in the relationship.
You must be clear in how you view these roles – especially with marital expectations.
Belief system – You must be sure of two things: (1) – What you believe, and (2) – Why you believe it. If you aren’t sure about these, it will affect any relationship in which you enter. By the way, if you are a believer, engaging in a relationship with an unbeliever puts you at odds with God.
Deal Breakers – If you know yourself pretty well, you should also know the things you simply refuse to tolerate. Those things are called deal breakers or non-negotiables. Deal breakers leave no wiggle room. As I stated on the Courtship Commitment page, this list should not be long, but the things included should be absolute must-haves.
Personal Disciplines – Become proficient at things like being on time, operating in excellence, and controlling your body and its impulses. Learn the art of telling yourself no when a situation is not right. Become a person of integrity in the face of challenges and adversities.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Personal Goals – Establish some personal goals and pursue them. Some may include spiritual development, obtaining a degree, becoming debt-free, getting certifications, or purchasing a home. You don’t have to be married or in a relationship to accomplish any of these.
This is a perfect time for introspection before engaging in a relationship. Be sure you check your list and check it twice. 🙂
Courtship: It’s Not Corny; It’s Classic!
Be sure to grab a copy of Courtship: The 21st Century Process to help you along your journey.